Will science ever prove…

 

The Beginning according to Science

1 In the beginning was the Puddle, and the Puddle was of Pre-animate biological mass, and the Pre-animate biological mass was Goo.

2 The same was in the beginning with Goo.

3 All things were made by Goo; and without Goo was not anything made that was made.

4 In Goo was life; and the life was the spontaneous splicing of nitrogen molecules, which came from the Big Bang¹, with the Puddle to form single celled organisms that evolved into the plants and animals we know and love today.

4 ¹ LeMaitre 1:1 At some point in fininte time approximately 13 billion years ago, a primordial hot and dense condition has continually expanded into the universe that we know today.

I know some people might get slightly miffed that I used The Gospel of John as a template for the opening of this post. I apologize to you profusely, as my intent is only to show how ridiculous I believe the claims of “modern science” to be.

This all stems from Global Warming debates and Evolution. I am constantly amazed that people hold to these THEORIES as fact when there is no evidence to support their claims. Please indulge me and let me explain how my “uneducated” mind sees these theories individually.

I’ll start with Global warming.

We’re “heating up the world” with our vehicle emissions, uncontrolled cow flatulence (google cow flatulence tax in NY), and overall “carbon footprint”. Tracking weather patterns over the last 100 years (that’s 100 out of the approximately 13 BILLION years) show that temperatures around the globe have increased a total of 1.33⁰ F +/- 0.32⁰  over the last 100 years. REALLY???? 1 degree over 100 years is cause for alarm??? At that rate Antarctica would become a tropical paradise in about 130 CENTURIES! That is a REALLY long time (-57⁰ F to 80⁰ F that’s 130 deg diff, not to insult your intelligence). How do they know what the average oceanic temperature was back when “cavemen” existed? Does Doc Browns’ DeLorean actually exist? I doubt both of those things are the case. If you really believe that the Earth has been around for 13 Billion years, you will never be able to convince people that 1 Century holds enough data to prove your theory that the earth is heating up to the point where I should trade my 10 mpg Jeep for a Toyota Prius with brake problems just to give us 15 more minutes at 70⁰ instead of 70.0000000000000000000000000001⁰.

The conversation about earth warming up to the point of extinction for all beings brings me to my second topic, evolution. I will try and keep it short and sweet, as I know staring the computer screen in rapt appreciation of my dazzling intellect can be somewhat detrimental to your occular health (that’s 25 cent word, you can send your donations through pay-pal). If in fact the world is heating up, why should we care? According to Darwinism the strongest will survive the changing conditions of the earth. Some of us will evolve heat dissipaters and water retention flaps to enable us to live in the increased temperatures on what small land masses are left; while the rest will take to living in and out of the water like Kevin Costner in Waterworld (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, that movie is a Classic). You can actually see the changes staring to take place, as you get older your body is already developing pockets for catching fluids all over the place, and you thought they were non-functional “wrinkles”.

All in all I really hope that scientists will stop trying to convince me of what happened in the past (The Bible spells it out rather well), and start looking to use their God-given skills and talents to solving REAL problems of the future. Like curing cancer, proving SPAM is edible, and most importantly solving the formula for a successful Sitcom (Seinfeld wasn’t really “about” anything).

As the great thespian Roy Scheider once said in the classic American film Jaws, which should not have lost the Oscar to that hack job One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (what does that even mean?).

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat!”…